I think that some of my resilience after Ivan’s passing is due to all of the sunshine I get daily.
I make it a point to go out twice a day, and walk around the park in front of the apartment. I usually go at 10:30am for the first go round, then 2pm (ish) for the second go. It takes me about 12 minutes for the first walk as my muscles are somewhat more loose than later, when that second round takes upwards of 15 minutes, and with considerable more discomfort.
The sun is the important part here though. It gives me a bit of energy, and it makes me smile. Our apartment is lovely, bright, and welcoming, however, it is missing a key component.
When I’m outside I don’t have all of the memories of our times shared inside the apartment. I try to stay busy, in the kitchen, in the spare bedroom, anywhere where I don’t see
him.
I don’t know how to tell you what it means to be widowed, but what I can tell you is that, if you love your spouse, as I love Ivan, it’s not something you want to experience any time soon, if ever.
I will say that it was better that he went first as there would have been no way that he could have dealt with any of the things I’ve been left to deal with. The bills, the cars, the cooking, cleaning, buying groceries, taking out the garbages, washing dishes, washing and drying clothes. He wouldn’t have been able to do any of that.
The Lord had His own timeline for us, and it was decided.
Until next time, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.
Post script: happy 40 something birthday to our son tomorrow. We love you with all our heart. (Of course I know how old you are, but I’m not sure you want me to tell the others.)