It’s going on 4 months now since Ivan died.
I’ve been trying to decide if I am ready to go to Los Altos for the New Year, as I have been invited, or should I just stay here. I’ve been seeking any kind of instruction from the Lord, but haven’t really felt Him speaking to me about it, one way or the other.
Until this morning. I was listening to today’s episode of Bible in a Year, with Chris Pratt, the actor, speaking about spending quiet time with God. How we should try to take time out of our busy lives to reconnect with God through solitude.
He was describing the difference between solitude, and isolation. My ears perked up. He said that isolation is an escape, a danger. It paints a target on ourselves for the “tempter”. Solitude, conversely, is being alone, with God, engaged, and open to Him. It is time set aside to feed, and nourish the soul.
Thank you Lord. That was just what I needed to hear. I’ve been completely isolated since Ivan died. I’ve not gone anywhere, not done anything outside myself, and my surroundings. I’ve given nothing to anyone besides myself.
Self, self, self. Boring.
Our families in Los Altos loved, and adored Ivan. I owe it to them, and to myself, to go, and reflect upon the wonderful things we all remember about Ivan. He’ll never be forgotten.
Will it be hard to rehash all of my memories? Of course it will. So what? He’s not coming back. There’s nothing else I have of him except memories, so I might as well get used to it. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life hiding here in the apartment. I have to go out, and live my life, albeit alone.
Am I lonely, or just alone? I’m not really sure at the moment. That’s a thought for another time.
I’ll let you know how it went in Los Altos, reconnecting with my loving, and amazing adopted families.
Until then, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.