Month: October 2025

Now that was an experience, I’m here to tell you.

The administrator of the condo we live in, Ivonne, has been my saving grace. She came up the morning Ivan passed away, called the police, helped me make all of the arrangements for his cremation, etc. I couldn’t have done any of that. She stayed with me throughout the investigation of what proceeded Ivan’s death, what happened, what medications he was taking, who prescribed them, etc. It took about 30 minutes.

My brain was in a fog, my heart was bleeding out, and my husband was still sitting in his chair, in the bedroom, cold, and still. I covered him with a sheet, only to his chin, though. I wanted to see his face as long as I could. Every few minutes I went back, scolded him for leaving me too soon, kissed the top of his head, and hugged him to my breast.

I kept hoping he’d open his eyes, and tell me he was kidding.

He didn’t.

Today, Ivonne took me to a small mall about 5 km from the condo, up to the 2nd floor, to an outdoor kiosk where I gave the young man the copy of the paperwork I received from the coroner, when he told me he needed $90MXN for each copy. In total, it was $450MXN. In my billfold I had $470MXN. The extra $20 I used for the parking. I had exactly the amount of money I needed.

So, now I have 5 copies of the death of my best friend but no best friend.

Until next time, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.

I have the cleanest living space as ever I’ve had.

Void of life.

I’m trying to clean areas, fix things that have been “on the list” for some time, and I’m making a dent.

Then I remember that it’s never going to change. It will be forever this way as it’s just me.

I would rather have a messy apartment, with my live soulmate, than a clean, soulless apartment.

I have fewer meltdowns, and a few more times of less despair, and, I also see a light at the end. I trust in the Lord, and know that He, too, is with me, along side my beloved, my best friend. I know that they are an unbeatable team that are going to stay by my side while I work through this.

Then, there are my sisters, Martha, and Nancy. What a dynamic duo they are!! They have been texting me several times a day, to make sure I’m ok. I’ll never be ok again, but you know what I mean. I thank God for them all day long.

I have no appetite whatsoever but I force myself to eat twice a day. It’s not much right now, but I do what I can.

Until next time, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.

I can hear him calling my name.

I know he’s not here, physically, with me, but this used to happen when he was here. I’d be in the kitchen, and have to stop what I was doing to go back to the second bedroom that he used as his “office”, to find out what he needed.

He hadn’t called me.

But, I heard him call my name.

I wish he were still here to call my name hundreds of times a day.

Until next time, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.

My love, you won’t see this, unless you read over my shoulder.

Right now, I think you just might be there.

I hear you all day, every day, calling out to me, calling my name, shuffling your way to the bathroom, and back to your chair. It ended up making me upset when you’d call me to watch a silly “short” video on YouTube about every 20 minutes, but NOW?

Come back to me, and I’ll watch all of the videos you want me to.

I miss you so much.

Happy birthday my love. I know you’re where you need to be, free of all your horrible demons. I’m glad you’re at peace, finally.

I miss you.

Until next time, stay happy, and healthy in the Lord.